Trust

Less than 25 days. That’s right. In less that 25 days, my 15 year old daughter gets on a plane and flies to Costa Rica where she will spend an entire year. For one year, I will not get to touch her, hold her, smell her, or tickle her.

This is going to be hard. These next 25 days are going to be difficult. (We are not exactly sure of the day that she flies out – her ticket will be purchased on Monday. We know this: her language & culture camp begins on July 13th. Most likely, she flies out that morning.)

Once she leaves, it will be easier. I know that she’s going to have an amazing time. I know that this will be an experience that she will look back on for the rest of her life. I have no doubt that her life will change as a result of what happens during this next year. Her goals, dreams, plans, will all be influenced from what she experiences over the course of the next year.

We will spend many hours on the phone. We will hopefully have the opportunity to Skype on a regular basis. We’ll video conference together. She is the most amazing young woman in the world, and I am so incredibly proud of her and confident in her ability to make the most of this experience.

But she is still my baby girl. And the next 25 days are going to be very, very hard.

It has been interesting to see people’s reaction when we tell them about Brit going away. The most common thing I’ve heard goes something like this: “Wow! You are amazing parents. I could never allow my kid to do something like that. There’s no way he/she would be allowed to go. How in the world can you handle it?”

I know they mean it as a compliment (I think!), but it always causes me to have a little doubt. Am I being a good parent by saying yes to this whole thing? Should I be stepping in and putting a stop to it? Are we trusting foolishly?

And yet, it keeps coming back to one thought for me. Brittany is a gift from God to Heather and I. When she was born, we dedicated her back to him. We acknowledged before friends and family that we would do our best to raise her, love her, empower her, but ultimately we would always remember that she is not ours, but his. And we would trust God with her future.

And so, we trust God with Brit. I look at this opportunity and find myself asking, “God, what are you preparing her for? In what way is this experience going to shape her for the rest of her life?” Of course, I don’t have the answer to that. I can only trust.

This blog is averaging around 70 views a day. I don’t know who is reading my thoughts, but can I ask a favour of you? Would you pray for us over the next few weeks. Some days I’m weak, and my trust isn’t what it should be. Some days I’m just scared at the thought of my girl going away to another country for an entire year. Would you pray that God would give us the strength to keep trusting?

I want this blog to be real. I want you who read it to get a glimpse of what the life of a pastor really is like. And so, at times I share my geekiness. At times I express my opinions on some event that is being played out in our media. At times I get all spiritual.

Pastors are not super spiritual people. At least I’m not. I’m just a guy who tries to love Jesus everyday. Who has to work out what it means to trust God with his life and with those who matter to him.

How are you doing in that area? How is your “trusting God” doing? If you’d like, feel free to post in the comments section something that you are struggling to trust God with. I’d be happy to pray for you just as you are praying for me.

More on Pastoring

Okay, I realize that this blog is becoming a bit of a broken record with all my “insights” into pastoring. I promise to move on to other subjects over the next few days.

However, I have to comment on an email I received today from a friend in ministry. He has been pastoring longer than I have been alive. He has served faithfully in many different church situations. He is a good man with a passion to touch the lives of people.

Today, his church announced that he, along with the other paid staff, have had their positions terminated. The church simply cannot afford to pay them any longer. Their debt, over a mortgage that is out of control, is too big. It eats up all their finances, leaving them with nothing left for salaries. As a result, this man, who has served in churches for more than 40 years, is now unemployed at age 64. 

My heart breaks for him. As it does for another pastor friend of mine who has been “forced” to retire after over 50 years of ministry. He has nothing to fall back on – all he’s ever known is being a pastor. 

As I read my friends email, I said to Heather, “If I fear anything, it would be retiring on a negative note. I hope I am able to retire from whatever church (hopefully Bikers’ Church) on a high. The thought of knowing that the church I am retiring from is about to close, or fail, or whatever, is such a sad thought.” 

I know of ministers who retired from pastoring only to become apartment building superintendents or greeters at WalMart. Now, there’s nothing wrong with those jobs, but if you’ve spent 40+ years preaching, teaching, ministering, motivating, caring, etc. for people, only to have to do those other things simply to survive in your old age, well … that’s sad. And yet, it is the sacrifice made by so many in ministry.

So, why do they (we) do it? Well, perhaps it’s partly because of what I said to my friend in reply to his email today. “How great it is to know that our rewards are eternal and we have no fear of moth or rust (or debt) destroying them … God sees your heart, your service, your compassion. Those things he never forgets. He will be by your side.” 

Thank God that this life is not all there is. Thank you, God.

Openness

Okay, I know … my blog has sucked lately! I’m inconsistent in my postings … I plan on changing that in the next few weeks, since this is one of the things that I am really enjoying. So, bear with me and thank you to those who have emailed asking when I am going to post again – it’s feels good to know that you miss these thoughts.

One of the blogs that inspires me is Carrie’s blog. The reason I enjoy it so much is her raw openness. Sometimes, the posts are very funny. Sometimes, they make me cry. But no matter what, they allow me to feel a little of her heart. And for some reason, that’s the kind of writing I enjoy the most: open, honest, no-holds-barred feelings. Some of what she writes could come back to haunt her, but she doesn’t care. She says what she’s feeling and leaves it at that.

I’m not good at doing that. Oh, I can share personal experiences in a sermon. That’s easy. Even if there are hundreds of people listening. To me, even though I may be sharing something very personal, that environment makes it impersonal. Not sure if you know what I mean by that, but it’s how I see it.

I’m a very private person. Very private. It is rare that someone will see me upset about something. I hide those emotions and do what is necessary to bring peace to every situation. When people are upset with me, I can be firm, but I also try to be understanding.

Being a pastor is full of amazing blessings. It is one of the most fulfilling experiences one can have. I know that in so many ways, I have the wonderful opportunity to touch people’s lives for the better. I help them grow, discover more about themselves, and learn to love others. I walk people through forgiveness and comfort them during painful times. Most amazing, I help people discover their own purpose – nothing is more fulfilling than that.

However, like most things, there is another side to being a pastor. It can be tough. You are “on duty” 24/7. You live in a glass house, where every move you make is monitored and questioned and challenged. Sometimes, when you try to do good, it backfires and people get upset with you. Choices in dress, friends, vehicles, music, movies, and pretty well every other area of life are open to criticism by some who feel they know better than you how you should behave. It comes with the territory. Some pastors handle it quite well. Others end up leaving ministry over it. I know more than a few friends who have become completely bitter towards everything to do with church because of these expectations. 

Personally, I’ve come to just accept it. I don’t lose too much sleep over the negativity. I make my choices and simply accept that some wont like those choices. As far as I’m concerned, it’s their problem, not mine.

I guess I’m just trying to be open here. Carrie has inspired me to do so. I have the best job in the world, and I thank God often for it.